Recently, my in-laws' vehicle was burglarized and two of my journals were stolen. I had a journal for each of my sons and had written in them each day for the past two years. I had a pretty dramatic meltdown. All of those memories were gone. Little moments that I could only recall once I reread my entries. Vacations. Birthdays. Holidays. Milestones. Everything my life had been for the past two years (a mom) was recorded in those books, and they were gone.
In the weeks following, I felt a dark cloud looming over me. Deep, depression-like sadness in the pit of my spirit. I was on a trip home to Arkansas at the time, and although I was happy to be with family, I was sad about my journals. I wanted them back. I wanted those memories of my sons. I hadn't felt that sad since I had a miscarriage in 2011, and I even considered the pain quite similar.
I nearly chose not to blog about this experience because people would say that in the grand scheme of things, if losing a journal tops the list of bad things that has happened to me, then I've lived a pretty great life. They'd say that comparing losing a journal to losing a baby is just ridiculous and selfish. They'd say I shouldn't complain.
Others would say that although my situation isn't the world's worst, my feelings are real and valid and I deserve the opportunity to voice them without being considered “petty” or “shallow.”
Those arguments are why I almost didn't write this blog.
I didn't want to offend people. I didn't want people to think that I wasn't sympathetic to more extreme situations. I didn't want people to know that I was still thinking about those journals.
Then, God showed me something.
I was putting an awful lot of focus on people, and not much on God. Go back and read the four previous paragraphs and count how many times I mentioned “people.”
The way I react, the things I do, the words I say and write should be for God's glory. Yes, the example we set for others is important and the way we carry ourselves should point others to Jesus. He is the one we should try to impress and worry most about offending, though. Not people.
So, how am I using the loss of my journals to honor Him?
I think that, in the grand scheme of things, that story is still being written.
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” - Psalm 19:14